I'm terrified of beginnings, first days at school, job interviews, even a new book can be a daunting task. I know it's a very human thing to experience, to fear the unknown, to be afraid to knock on a closed door, not knowing what's on the other side. All this just from starting a website mind you.
Here I am, though. With the help of a very dear friend and some stock photos, I've come to the point where I'm not just some crafter, desperately trying to get out of a full-time retail job. No, I have a website now. That means, if I'm not afraid, if I'm disciplined, I can share my crafts, my art, and my words with the world. And that, too, is another prospect to fear. It means being vulnerable. It means allowing people to criticize and judge, and it's their right to do it. So I just need to be brave enough to consider the criticism and ignore the judgment.
But beginnings are terrifying not just because of the unknown, but because of what we might leave behind. Co-workers who are more like family. School friends who will go their separate ways and forge their own lives. Beginnings mean goodbyes too, letting go of some things that have been intrinsic to your self.
If we do don't let go of some things, though, we end up in a stasis, contented. That might sound nice... when you're 80. I'm sure I'm overthinking something as simple as a website. I felt the same depth of fear when I began Instagram and a Facebook page. As an artist, there is always the dichotomy of needing to share my work and wanting to hide it.
So my challenges are many, but my determination is greater than any challenges. I think. I hope. And all this existentialism just from a website.